Go to the Cool Kids Winery

Today I bring you Tank Garage.

Fun wine tasting in calistoga

Not going to lie, it reminded me of Cars Land at Disneyland: old fashioned with a hint of cartoony.

I know I say this about every place, but I instantly fell in love with Tank Garage.

A little rockabilly. A little antiquey. A little beachy. Three things I never thought to put together, but now seems so obvious together.

Their wine list is as eclectic as their theme. I’m going to be honest with you, “eclectic” has been my word this week. It’s not quite as bad as my month of “ubiquitous”, but please call me out if “eclectic” shows up in another post.

The premise of the wine is “one and done”. I was going to make a crude reference, but “one and done” implies sexual monogamy immediately after losing ones virginity, which depending on your perspective, could be deemed as sweet.

Opposite of crude.

So that backfired.

“One and done” for Tank Garage means they create a blend once and then no longer create it again. New labels, new cohesive designs, and new fruit profiles.

All created once then done.

This means they have designed an impressive collection of wine labels as well as wine. They could soon open their own museum called The One and Dones. The museum would feature bottles of their discontinued wines and photos of high school sweethearts together after 30 years of marriage.

One and done.

Like the good little reviewer I am, I took a picture of the tasting menu. I took two in fact. The first one I cut off the left part of the menu, and the second one came out blurry.

Because, you know, I’m a professional.

Even though I’m not technically a tourist, I still feel touristy taking photos. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but goes to show you how fragile my self-esteem is if I’m uncomfortable with people thinking I’m a tourist.

I just wanna look cool man. Much like the greaser-laxay ‘tude the winery’s décor exuberates.

Tank Garage Decor

I just made up that word “laxay”. It means kind of annoyed with everyone, yet interested enough to stay around and chat. Much like the attitude people in Portland, Oregon have.

I can’t read you Portland People.

Yet I keep on coming back.

It’s as if you’re all playing hard to get.

And I like it.

But the crew at Tank Garage are not laxay. Our host showed us wine and photos of her adorable twins. All the other staff stood with greaser-cool vibes from behind the bar and chimed into our conversation as if they wanted to be a part of it.

Not laxay.

That’s what makes Tank Garage so much fun. It’s as if you were in high school and got invited to a cool kids party.

Genuine invite and not a She’s All That, Freddy Prince Junior, invite.

There are two wines they do repeat each year.

Not one and done.

But I don’t remember which ones they are.

Again, professional.

But here are my shitty photos of the menu. So you know at least two of the five will be back in the future.

But if you don’t want to risk it, take a look at their website and start collecting for your own little Tank Garage Museum.

Or, better yet, if you’re in Calistoga, pay this cool winery a visit.

Anyways, I give Tank Garage one laxay-greaser kitty. Not because they don’t deserve 100 kitties, but because my illustrator skills are not the best, and I was too lazy to make leather jackets, greased hair, and a kitty cigarette for more than one kitty.


One thought on “Go to the Cool Kids Winery

  1. Stephanie

    I literally laughed out loud several times, the consummate professional! 😉 What a fun and entertaining review! You are such a talented writer.

    P.S.: Your Freddie Prince Jr./She’s All That reference was a stroke of pure genius

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