I’m going to explain wine scoring through memory. Quite frankly, I don’t care enough to research it. And if I did research it, it would validate these scoring techniques and give them even more power than they already do.
The main scoring system is the Parker Score.
This system is based on a 100-point tier. According to legend, one guy created the categories based off his impeccable palate. He created different categories for the wine (think color and thickness). Those categories add up to the allusive 100 points.
Wines are grouped based on pricing. It’s like a weight class for wines. Wines retailed at $15 have different standards than wines retailed at $115. Yet, both have the potential to earn 100 points.
Just like how the scrawny 110-pound high school wrestler can say he’s a state champ while standing next to his 15 year-old, male, puberty-hulk anomaly who is also a state champ.
But if you walk through Bevmo, they have their own point system cleverly disguised as the main Parker Score. However, there’s a different guy with his own palate, and his own standards, being all judgy over wines.
While walking through the music-wine festival, Bottlerock, I saw a booth that said “the 90+ club”. Who is usually the Boxing pay-per-view headliner? (This will come back around, hence the lack of transition.)
The little guys are fun and respected, but they aren’t selling out the MGM Grand.
(Is pay-per-view still a term btw?)
So who is part of the 90+ club this booth is advertising? The fact is it doesn’t matter. The 90+ sign is just a marketing technique to get people to stop by and taste.
This is when I decided the wine rating system was arbitrary, and I should make my own.
I introduce to you the Kitty Rating System. Depending on the wine, they will receive an adorable little kitty like the one below.
If I really like it, they may get lots of kitties.
If I don’t like it, they may get a feral kitty.
Much like a wine gone rogue, a feral kitty is independent and likes to do its own thing. I respect that. Just because it’s not my palate doesn’t mean it’s not good. And just because a kitty chooses a life on the streets doesn’t mean it doesn’t want to chill and hang.
In the end this blog is about brand awareness for all the wines of the world. The little guys, the big guys, the quirky guys, the limited guys, the vogue guys…I can continue to make up names for all the different kinds of wines, but I think you get the point.
And my apologies to tiny wrestlers and boxers. I obviously know nothing about high school wrestling or pro-boxing and probably shouldn’t have used that analogy.